Making friends: 6 Articles

Saying No to Friends: Helping Kids Be True to Themselves

Friends are important to kids. Sometimes the need to make their friends happy or to fit in gets in the way of their own happiness. They might be afraid that their friends won’t like them anymore if they disappoint them in some way. They might try so hard to be liked that they forget to take care of themselves.  You Can’t Please Everyone! by Ellen Flanagan Burns explores this challenging situation by following a character named Ellie, who struggles with this aspect of friendship. It’s a hopeful, helpful story for kids who need reassurance that they can be nice to others and be true to themselves. Here are some tips from an adapted excerpt of the introduction, entitled Dear Reader.  It’s not your job to:  Please People  When you try to please people, it feels good at first because it makes them happy, but that good feeling doesn’t last very long. Always worrying about what people think is exhausting! It’s much better to just be yourself and trust that’s enough for your friends.  Be Liked  The truth is, the way somebody feels about you isn’t really your concern. The way YOU feel about you is. So, be your best YOU. It’s OKAY to be yourself and say “no” to others. Do It All  You can’t do it all, and your good friends don’t expect you to. You’ll feel happier and more confident when you do what feels right instead of what you think someone else wants you to do. It is your job to: Be Kind  It feels good to be kind and help others when you can. That’s different than trying to please people. Do the thing that feels right rather than the thing that makes others like you. When we do what feels right, it gives us a good feeling that lasts. Be Yourself  There’s no one else like you. Whether you are silly, sweet, quiet, smart, shy, funny, talkative, or outgoing (or all of the above at different times), BE YOURSELF! That’s enough. You’ll learn to speak up for yourself in a way that is friendly and true to yourself.  Choose Your Friends Wisely  People who expect you to make them happy rather than being yourself can be difficult to get along with. They may blame you when things don’t go their way. These kinds of friends can bring out the people-pleasing side of you. Find friends who lift you up, not bring you down. Find friends who like you just the way you are. 

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Saying No to Friends: Helping Kids Be True to Themselves 2022-05-10T14:20:14-04:00

School Books!

Whether going back to school in-person or online, kids may encounter stressful situations. Going to school for the first time, going back to school after COVID-19 distance learning, making new friends, learning how to behave, meeting new teachers, changing schools, or starting a routine can cause anxiety. Share these books with your child to start a helpful conversation. Starting School for the First Time When a Dragon Goes to School by Caryl Hart Follow the dragon’s lead as kids headed to class explore school manners. When a dragon goes to school, will she throw crayons and refuse to share the toys? Why, no! Dragons don’t do that! While behaving well at school isn’t always easy, this dragon makes it fun. A companion book to the manners must-have When a Dragon Comes to Stay, this book helps kids get fired up for good classroom behavior. Read an interview with Caryl Hart I Don’t Want to Go to School! by Alberto Pellai, MD, PhD and Barbara Tamborini  New routine, new friends, new places, and new faces, and parental or caregiver separation can be a lot to handle at first!  This sensitive book will help kids and parents talk about this big step and transition to being apart during the day—and maybe even have fun at school! Includes a Reader’s Note to further explain this common behavioral and emotional stage of childhood. Read an excerpt from I Don’t Want to Go to School!  Changing Schools New Kid, New Scene: A Guide to Moving and Switching Schools by Debbie Glasser, PhD, and Emily Schenck Calling all new kids! Do you know a kid who is ready for their starring role? Or one who has stage fright? Maybe you know a kid who feels like an extra in a movie featuring some other kids and their fabulous lives? New Kid, New Scene was written just for kids like that. They will learn ways to get adjusted and ease into their new school and surroundings. Every chapter is packed with stories, useful advice, and quizzes to help kids learn more about who they are.  This book gives kids the ins and outs of navigating new surroundings, making new friends (as well as staying in touch with old ones), and finding a place that feels like their own. Goodbye, School by Tonya Lippert, PhD, LCSW Franny loves her school. She's played, read, studied, and even napped here. Franny has lots of good memories there. But today it's time to leave. As Franny prepares to move to a new school, she takes time to reminisce and cherish her old school. She wants to find a way to honor this special place. How can Franny say goodbye? Includes a Reader's Note by the author with information on how to guide children through periods of transition or change and acknowledge their feelings throughout the experience. Read an excerpt from Goodbye School ADHD School Strategies The Homework Squad’s ADHD Guide to School Success by Joshua Shifrin, PhD The Homework Squad is

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School Books! 2021-08-10T13:56:25-04:00

Help Your Child Cope with Social Anxiety

Many kids are shy around strangers, but “warm up” after becoming familiar with a person or situation. But sometimes kids experience fear and anxiety about participating in everyday social situations like playing with neighborhood kids and attending school. In Shannon Anderson’s book, Too Shy to Say Hi, Shelli’s fears and anxieties prevent her from joining in on activities she would certainly enjoy. In this excerpt from the Reader’s Note in Too Shy to Say Hi, Dr. Elizabeth McCallum explores the difference between shyness and social anxiety and offers tips to help your child feel more confident and relaxed in social situations. Shyness or Social Anxiety? Shyness is a part of many kids’ temperament, or the personality traits that determine the unique way in which they interact with the world. It may take a shy child a little while to get comfortable with a new person or situation. However, sometimes shyness is so extreme that it interferes with a person’s social development, causing significant distress. Social anxiety is a term used to describe when a person avoids everyday social activities because they’re worried about being judged or fear behaving in ways that might bring about embarrassment. Usually people with social anxiety don't have any trouble interacting with family members and close friends, but the idea of meeting new people, speaking in public, or unfamiliar situations can put their anxiety symptoms into high gear. Fight-or-Flight? We all feel anxious or scared sometimes. In fact, feeling anxious can be helpful in certain situations. Our bodies and brains are hardwired to feel anxious and respond to these feelings with our fight-or-flight response. When our brains sense danger, they release adrenaline and other chemicals that cause all kinds of bodily reactions: quickened heartbeat, rapid breathing, sweating, and even goosebumps. Evolutionarily speaking, the fight-or-flight response helped to keep us safe from predators. Today the fight-or-flight response continues to keep us safe from different dangers like walking into oncoming traffic or eating spoiled foods. But what about when the danger isn’t real? When someone has social anxiety, or any type of anxiety problem, they feel anxious in situations where there is no real danger at all. Their fight-or-flight response gets activated too frequently, too powerfully, and in situations where it isn’t actually necessary. How Does Social Anxiety Affect Daily Life? Social anxiety is a common mental health diagnosis in childhood, with the typical age of onset between 8 and 15 years old. People with social anxiety have fears regarding their social performance. They tend to be highly self-conscious and have an extreme fear of being judged by others. School, for example, is a very social time for kids. Kids may spend hours at school each weekday, interacting with peers and teachers. Social anxiety can keep kids from participating in everyday school and extracurricular activities. Unstructured time, like lunch or recess, may be the worst for these kids because there is the most opportunity for social rejection. Some kids may also avoid raising their hands in class

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Help Your Child Cope with Social Anxiety 2021-03-03T21:08:49-05:00