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When a situation arises where someone is being treated unfairly, excluded, ridiculed, or even bullied, what can a person who is watching do?  What can a person do if he or she perceives an injustice in the home, school, community, or world?  As a bystander (a person witnessing a situation), a person can become a negative bystander, a neutral bystander, or a positive bystander (also referred to as an Upstander). Parents try to teach their children to stand up for themselves, and others, in challenging situations.
Magination Press’s book, Stand Up! Be an Upstander and Make a Difference, by Wendy L. Moss, Ph.D, explores what it means to be an Upstander. Dr. Moss offers suggestions for how children can make positive changes in the world, while encouraging them to brainstorm ideas of their own. This adapted excerpt from Chapter 8 identifies some ways kids can be Upstanders.

At home

  • Use relaxation skills and respectful communication tools during disagreements with siblings or adults.
  • Use positive self-talk to remain confident before working to help others.
  • Spend time with others, including older or younger siblings, showing them you value their company and ideas.

At school

  • Try to include instead of exclude. Sometimes it would be helpful and even fun to include a student who seems to be alone or lonely.
  • Talk with other students about what they think needs to be done to make your school more peaceful. Work with others toward this goal using skills learned in Stand Up!
  • Use the power of a smile! Smile and even say hello to lots of different people who might be receptive to this attempt to engage and acknowledge them.

In your neighborhood (after getting parent permission)

  • Offer to help out neighbors who find physical tasks challenging by walking their dog, shoveling snow, or taking out their garbage.
  • Fight loneliness. Where appropriate, visit family friends or relatives who may be lonely, or organize a group to visit a local retirement home.
  • Identify ways to help your neighborhood, like picking up litter, creating a safe space for kids to hang out, or helping out at the library, and work with others to solve a problem.

In the world (after getting parent permission)

  • Find creative ways to support charities that work on areas important to you. For example, donate one of your birthday gifts, organize a lemonade stand and donate the money earned, or participate in a charity’s walk-a-thon and collect donations for each mile you walk.
  • Help find a cure for a disease that has impacted someone you know. Research the disease and organizations searching for a cure. Raise awareness about the disease and collect donations to fund research.
  • Work toward a big goal, like promoting world peace, by looking for organizations near home that share your goal. Be sure to check with an adult to make sure they feel comfortable with you communicating with the organization, local or otherwise, directly.

Being an Upstander means speaking out when you see injustice or bullying. It also means identifying important issues and working toward positive solutions to problems. Stand Up! helps children learn important communication, conflict resolution, and negotiation skills as well as how to set realistic, specific, and attainable goals to make a difference in the world.

Excerpt adapted from Chapter 8 of Stand Up! Be an Upstander and Make a Difference by Wendy L. Moss, Ph.D, published by Magination Press. 

by Wendy L. Moss, Ph.D.

This Article's Author

Wendy L. Moss, PhD, ABPP, FAASP, has her doctorate in clinical psychology, is a licensed psychologist, and has a certification in school psychology. Dr. Moss has practiced in the field of psychology for more than 30 years and has worked in hospital, residential, private practice, clinic, and school settings. She has the distinction of being recognized as a diplomate in school psychology by the American Board of Professional Psychology for her advanced level of competence in the field of school psychology. Dr. Moss has been appointed as a fellow in the American Academy of School Psychology. In addition, some of her published books include Bounce Back: How to Be a Resilient Kid, Being Me: A Kid's Guide to Boosting Confidence and Self-Esteem, and Children Don't Come With an Instruction Manual: A Teacher's Guide to Problems That Affect Learners; coauthor, with Donald A. Moses, MD, of The Tween Book: A Growing-Up Guide for the Changing You; coauthor, with Robin A. DeLuca-Acconi, LCSW, of School Made Easier: A Kid's Guide to Study Strategies and Anxiety-Busting Tools; coauthor, with Susan A. Taddonio, DPT, of The Survival Guide for Kids With Physical Disabilities & Challenges. Dr. Moss has also written several articles.

Related Books from Magination Press

  • Stand Up!: Be an Upstander and Make a Difference

    Wendy  L. Moss, Ph.D.

    Do you want to be an Upstander who makes the world a better place by standing up to bullying and injustice in your school, home, or community? If so, this book is for you!

    You may doubt that one kid can make a difference. You can’t fly like Wonder Woman or scale walls like Spiderman, but you could be a hero to someone else by speaking up. Small changes can lead to bigger and bigger changes!

    Chock full of quizzes, examples, practical advice, and small steps you can take in your real life, Stand Up!: Be an Upstander and Make a Difference takes readers through the ways to be an Upstander, including being kind to yourself, having empathy for others, spreading kindness, and dealing with conflicts.

    Magination Press Amazon Barnes & Noble Bookshop.org

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